Let’s go in order, and then we’ll flashback.
Sometimes you don’t always get what you were planning for.
Maci and I went to Kaionas today. It was a perfect beyond perfect day. We got parking right by the gate entrance, the water was crystal clear, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Mace had gone a couple days ago and saw baby turtles swimming around, so she wanted to go again in hopes of seeing them. So we swam quite a ways out, circled around for a while, but an hour later and not a single turtle. We came in the hopes of swimming with turtles, but not a turtle in sight.
Sometimes you get lucky and you get exactly what you wanted.
After Kaionas we beach hopped and headed to Kailua. Since the world is shut down again, all Kailua beach parking lots and surrounding street areas are blocked off. So each time I go, I cross my fingers and hope to find parking on the street uphill from the boat ramp. And this time was no different. I turned right up the road, slowly crawled my way up the street, and ta da there was a parking spot three cars from the top. I’ve always gotten lucky with this spot.
It was a full moon a few days ago, so that means one thing- man o wars. At first Maci and I were living our best lives just floating around in our floaties. Not a care in the world. Dodging waves and bobbing around. Until I saw a man o war. Then it became stressful. We could no longer swim with our guards down. We had to watch out, because if we weren’t paying attention we would get stung. And one by one the man o wars would float by us. We had to have seen at least a dozen of them.
After the beach and taking Maci home, I came home, took a shower, and laid in my bed. Laying in my bed when I’m all fresh and clean is my favorite thing to do. And eventually after a few minutes of laying in bed, I fell asleep and took a quick nap. No plans. No to dos. No rushing to the next thing. Just napping for a while. Then after napping I picked up the book I’m currently reading. No cleaning. No responding to emails. No busy work. Just sitting on the couch and reading.
I didn’t want to, but I knew I needed to. I can’t say I enjoy exercising, but I know that being outdoors and getting my body moving is good for my brain and my well-being. Endorphins make you happy- so they say. Plus this new black muscle tee I bought from Madewell matched perfectly with my black Lululemon leggings, so how could I say no to looking cute and working out.
I did my usual. Up the hill and then back down the hill. I hustled my way up that hill. I wouldn’t say I was out of breath or exhausted, but I was certainly breathing heavier and I could feel the muscles working in my thighs. Uncle Herb even commented and said I was going super fast.
It was at the crosswalk that I heard it. Or maybe I felt the nudging. I’m not really sure at this point. God talks to me a lot in so many different ways. But instead of crossing the street and waiting for the light to change and the white walking man to appear, the white walking man was already there. So, I didn’t need to stop. I just needed to keep walking.
And as I wrap up this fast and download Instagram at precisely midnight tonight, that is what God is telling me to continue doing: just keep going.
Just keep swimming even if you don’t see any turtles, because along the way you’ll see the fish from finding nemo with the scar on his face. You’ll also see what coral looks like before it’s ruined by humans. Then there will also be some tiny black fish with white splotches that you’ve never seen before. Just keep swimming.
Just keep driving, because you don’t know what’s at the end of the road. And even if you didn’t find parking this time around, keep circling- don’t give up so easily. If at first it doesn’t work out or seem like things are going in your favor, try again. Eventually you’ll find what you’re looking for. And when you do, don’t forget to thank God. Just keep driving, He’s got something in store for you.
Just keep being on the lookout. Things might seem fine and dandy, but you never know when the enemy will sneak up from right under you and try to hurt you. The enemy is prowling around like a roaring lion trying to find someone to devour. If you keep your guard up and you’re watching out, you’ll be able to catch him before he can hurt you. Just keep being on the lookout.
Just keep resting. You don’t have to constantly be moving. God doesn’t require you to fulfill a daily checklist. Sometimes you need only to be still. It’s in the stillness and in the rest that God renews you. He gives you the energy to keep going. So just keep resting.
Just keep walking. Don’t stop to compare your journey to someone else’s. Don’t get distracted by other things or things you think are better. Trust in God’s plan and know that He has the best laid out for you if you just walk in His presence. Keep going. Keep following Him. Just keep walking.
It’s Not Over Yet.
Last night. With tears in my eyes. With sniffles in my nose. I half prayed in fear and half prayed in hope. One day left of the fast. What was God going to do?
And He said it’s not over yet. Just because the fast is ending. Just because your 21 days are up and you’re going to redownload Instagram immediately, does not mean I am done working with you Meg.
I have only just begun.
We’re going to keep going. Me and God. We’re going to keep working through my stubbornness until I surrender. Until I can pick up my cross every day and follow Jesus without grumbling or mumbling in the background. Because God sees me roll my eyes and stick my tongue out. He knows that I am a brat. He knows that I want things the way I want them and I want them right away. And He’s trying to get me to understand that the things I want will come, they just won’t come yet. They won’t come when I’m stomping my feet and gripping my fists. They’ll come when my heart is at peace and my faith is ready.
And there’s not going to be a notification or a ceremony when I reach that point. I don’t think it’s something that’s measurable. But I know I’ll get there because every day I’m just going to keep walking. I’m going to keep going in the direction that God wants me to be. Then I’ll know I’m in the right place, because I’ll constantly be walking towards Him.
I have spent the last 21 days writing. Maybe a little less than 21 days, because I think I skipped a few days. And now I’m finished. I’m not going to write on here anymore. At least not for now.
God gave me a project in February. At a church camp, with giggly middle school teens, sitting in rocking chairs under the stars, God told me what to do. And I walked away from it for the longest time. Then I realized I was going the wrong way, and started walking back. But of course, I got distracted and paused. Now it’s time for me to keep walking. To keep working on that thing He put on my heart.
So as much as I’ve loved writing daily for the past 21 days, I’m done now. Thank you for reading. Mom, Dad, Cas, Lynn, Jasmine. You’ve kept up with every word even though I call you and tell you everything before I even write it. And for you Mikey, you have my number and you know how to text me if you want to know how I’m doing.
Goodbye for now Meg’s blog. Until the next life crisis that I have to write my way out of.