On the first day of school, she fell off a ledge we had told her numerous times not to be climbing. There were scratches all across her forehead with blood just barely running down her face. And then her knee had a giant gash at least the size of a quarter if not larger. A few days later her forehead scars went away, but the wound on her knee lingered. Every day she would pick at it and pick at it even though we told her to stop in order for it to heal. Then today, as she lay peacefully on the ground napping instead of picking at her scab, I noticed it was merely just a cut.
Resilient. That’s what God told me as I looked down at her.
Not her scab, clearly. She had spent every day picking at the skin, scratching off the top layer, and causing it to bleed again. Honestly, I’m surprised it’s even healing with how often she pokes at it. But it’s been a few weeks, and it’s almost back to full healing.
What we tried to tell her- and what she refused to listen to- was that if you leave your wound alone, it will heal. If you stop touching it, it won’t bleed. If you leave the band aid on it, it won’t get infected. If you give it time, it will get back to normal. Our bodies will do that for us, but not if we keep inflicting the same kind of pain that caused the injury to occur in the first place.
Resilient is the person who is able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. Google told me that one. But God told me that I am resilient too.
He tried to tell me a long time ago. He tried over and over again, but just like my sweet, strong-willed, stubborn girl, I didn’t listen. I didn’t pay attention to the wise words spoken to me, and instead I just did what I felt like doing without any thought as to what could happen next.
But when I finally listened, I realized that if I stop trying to fight and control and just leave God alone to do what He wants to do with my life, then I will heal. If I stop doing the things I know I shouldn’t be doing, then I won’t hurt myself. If I continue to cover myself with God’s protection, then I won’t keep getting attacked. If I give it time, I will get back to normal. God will take care of me, but not if I keep doing the same thing that prohibits Him from being fully present in my life.
I didn’t fall off a ledge. I think life would have been much simpler if I had fallen off a ledge. Instead I fell away from where I think God wanted me to be, and as a result I’ve now been trying to get back to that place. And it hasn’t been easy. It’s been confusing and frustrating and I’m often left with more questions than answers. And for a very long time, I was not doing good.
But now I am good.
As a person who God says is resilient, I am learning how to recover quickly from difficult conditions. How to choose God immediately instead of when it’s convenient to me. And throughout this whole process, I have learned how to fall in love with my life again. Because in choosing God, He has made beautiful things in my life occur. Though it’s still confusing and frustrating and filled with questions, I am proud of where I’m at because I believe that where I’m at is where God wants me to be.
It’s been a few days, weeks, months… But I have stopped trying to pick at the scab- the part of my life that hurts me. I don’t want to keep making it hurt more and opening up the wound again. Instead I want to leave it alone. I want to give it to God for God to take care of it. And with time, I know it’ll be healed. I know that God will make sense of it all. But for right now, I just need to stop picking at it.