I heard this one. But then I ignored it. I tucked it away, hoping that I wouldn’t have to face it or think about it.
But now it’s time for me to think about it. Literally, as I write these words, it’s time to think about it.
Who do I say God is?
This one is straight from Sunday’s sermon. There was no digging or reflecting or waiting required. It was shot at me straight from Pastor Rob’s mouth.
Who do I say God is?
If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said God is distant. I would have said that God is far, far away, and although He might hear you, He definitely doesn’t listen to you. I would have explained how God set me up for failure and how God wasn’t working for my good. Ultimately, I would have gone on and on and on about how God left me.
But not anymore. Thank goodness not anymore.
It has taken some battling. It has taken tears and questions and more tears. I have prayed. I have sought counsel from friends, family, and professionals. I have listened. And through it all, I know now that God is not distant. He was never trying to be distant. I was just too busy listening to all the wrong voices to realize that God was trying to speak over me.
And while there were many voices telling me something that didn’t end up to be true, there was also one voice much louder than the rest. It was a voice that kept screaming on and on about pain and suffering. It was a voice that kept driving a wedge between me and my relationship with God. And for some reason, this voice kept fighting against what I knew to be true in my head.
It was my voice.
It was me.
I kept telling myself that God didn’t care. Rather than move on and focus on getting better with God, I allowed myself to be angry and bitter and resentful. Which if you know me, is not me at all. My voice kept repeating the expectations I had in my head, and it came to the conclusion that if these expectations didn’t become a reality in my life, then God must not care. So for a very long time, I kept listening and I kept believing that God simply did not care.
And all that gave me was nothing.
I gained nothing from listening to the voice of hurt, and I so desperately wanting something. I wanted anything that could spark life in me again. So I finally admitted that I was going down the wrong way, and I turned back to the voice of God. And what God told me was that He was always there and that He always cared. Had I not let my voice of expectation get in the way, I would have seen what God was doing.
So if you ask me today who I think God is, I would tell you that He is working for my good because He cares. In every facet of my life, He is working. I might hyper focus on the area of relationships and conclude that because I am still single as ever that God is not working in my life, but that’s simply not true. Because when I zoom the lens out, I see that God is working everything out so that when the time is right all the pieces fit together. He’s doing so much more than I could ever understand.
God is good. God loves me more than I can ever imagine. God is doing a good work in me, and I will see it to completion. God hears my cries, and He is doing everything He can to bring me peace and comfort. God knows the desires of my heart, and He wants me to have them. God will exceed even my wildest expectations. God is with me every second of every day. God will never leave my side. God cares about my life.