On May 7th my world is going to flip upside down. For months I’ve had bittersweet feelings about this day. Some days I’m in denial and others I can’t wait. It’s going to be a flurry of emotions and thoughts all because of one life event- graduation.
Life as I know it is going to change. The friends that I see around campus I may never talk to again. The professors who have filled me with immense knowledge and given me grace through all the rocky patches will no longer be an office away. The community of people who seek to live like Christ won’t be worshipping alongside me in chapel. The breathtaking sunsets that I’ve grown so accustomed to won’t be there for me to take a photo of. My best friend who has helped me navigate my emotions and makes sure I wake up on time for class will be an ocean and three states away. I’m not ready for things to change.
For 17 years I’ve been going to school. Monday to Friday, waking up ten minutes before class starts, that has been my life for the past 17 years. School is all I’ve ever known how to do- even if some days I feel like I’ve just learned how to effectively study for a test. I complain about it pretty often and God knows I procrastinate just as much, but I enjoy learning.
These past couple months have been a tricky season of life. I’m in 17 units, I work 8 hours a week, I volunteer at church, and I try to maintain some sense of a social life. I have second semester senior year on my plate, and I can’t forget about the side of ‘post grad’ looming over my shoulder. Top it off with my best friend moving away after graduation and my Disneyland pass expiring and I have myself a whole lot of sadness and confusion.
My biggest doubt about graduation has been that I’m not ready to be an adult. I am filled with anxiety when I have to think about paying bills, working a full-time job, and not getting to live in San Diego anymore. I don’t know what that looks like, and it scares me. I worry about who my friends will be or how I’ll survive a 9 to 5 job without a two hour nap in between. Then of course everyone asks the dreaded question “what are you doing after graduation” when I don’t even know what I’ll be eating for dinner. There is so much uncertainty and pressure and decision making that comes along with graduation. I wish someone would have warned me.
Something that has been keeping me afloat throughout this whole mess is knowing that God already has it figured out. God knows exactly where I’ll be after May 7th and how I’ll get there. He knows that my life is going to be something I could have never dreamed of. So I hold onto that. I remind myself of all the times I’ve been face to face with the fear of the unknown, and how God has always taken me on an incredible journey.
So I’m hoping that time slows down between now and May 7th. Let me enjoy a few more sunsets, a few more late nights watching Boy Meets World, and plenty more laughs with friends. But when May 7th rolls around I’ll be ready. From now until then things will start to piece together, and God’s plan for my life will slowly start to be revealed. I trust that God is going to lead me into a beautiful new season of life.