0 In Daily Life/ Hawaii

Radically Different

I need to stop looking through old photos on my phone. For the sake of my emotional well-being, I should really stop. It’s not the monumental photos of graduation that trigger overwhelming sadness in my heart; it’s the photos of incredible, once in a lifetime moments with friends that remind me how that season of life is over.

Jumping in the ocean at 7 AM with Ruth. Having PJ parties with Codi and ordering pizza that wouldn’t even fit through the door. All the other nights insane amounts of pizza were consumed. Fashion shows and photo shoots. Morning walks before class. Evening walks after class. I could go on and on, and I can talk for hours about how much I miss my sweet Loma.

But that isn’t going to change anything. The new season of life I’m in is radically different from what it was before.

I miss my friends. They’re all in different states now. My friends knew how to hold my heart and what words would make it feel all better. They are people who have done life with me for the past four years through the ups and the downs and all the confusion in between. They’re the ones I’d call at midnight when I was feeling sad, and they’re also the ones I’d call at the break of dawn to watch the sunrise with. I love and miss them dearly.

I’d like to believe I’m a strong, independent woman, but if I’m being honest with myself being a big girl hasn’t been so much fun. Everyday I find myself missing the comfort of Loma more and more. I think about what it would have been like if I had stayed in San Diego and applied for a masters program. I think about all the amazing, wonderful, unforgettable moments I experienced in college and secretly hate myself for having the best college experience ever. Post-grad life has been rough.

It’s going to take time. As much as I’d like it to happen overnight, it just won’t. It’s going to take time to make new friends. It’s going to take time to adjust to working full-time. God knows there’s going to be plenty of time in between now and the day I get to see my best friends again. I don’t know the answer to how to feel better after graduating college, but I’m really hoping someone will tell me soon.

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