I called my mom to brag that I was at the beach on a sunny day, and she asked me who I was with… So I told her no one- I was alone. That’s been the story lately…
There’s something completely frightening about being alone. Yet in the greatest season of loneliness in my life, I feel overwhelmingly fulfilled. I am happy. End of story.
But I wasn’t always happy, and I wasn’t always content in my loneliness. It’s a season completely foreign to me. For the past four years I’ve been anything but lonely. From 30 hall mates to 5 roommates and a campus of 2,400, there was always someone at my reach. Then to flip the switch and have your best friends be oceans away was not easy.
God knows I’ve had my fair share of breakdowns. He holds the buckets of tears that have come from my eyes, but He also carries my heart. I gave God time to work in my life, and I trusted that one day this season of life would become a little more bearable.
And it has. No, my friends didn’t all decide to move to Hawaii, and I can’t say that I’ve grounded myself in a group of soul friends. But I have found light in the loneliness.
At Point Loma the only time I was ever really alone was when I would hop in my car and go for a long walk or when I would sit at Lazy Hummingbird and ‘study’. These were times where I just needed to get away, and I just needed to reflect on my own thoughts.
That’s what this season of life is leading me to. It’s a season of reflection and restoration. I didn’t realize it at first, but I bet you God knew what He was doing. I have no doubt that God wanted me in Hawaii, and I have no doubt that my loneliness is also part of His plan.
If you’re reading this and you’re feeling a well of pity for me, please don’t. I am happy. I love waking up every morning to a job that I enjoy. I love the knowledge I’m receiving from attending graduate school. I love the growth I’m seeing in my relationship with Christ. I love that I have a car, and I can drive myself to the beach every weekend. I love the family I live with, and I love the people who have become chosen family. I love my life, and I am growing to love the loneliness that is part of this season.