Wait and See

Sometimes I get these moments where the vastness of life hits me all at once, and I stop long enough to appreciate the wonderful life I live. Often times it comes when I’m floating in the ocean letting myself be completely still. It’s in this silence and intentional loss of control that I’m amazed at the life I get to live.

Because don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t always been simple and beautiful…

It took a whole lot of ugly before things started making sense again. This time last year I was so wrapped up in creating a life I didn’t enjoy. Somewhere along the way I had lost sight of my goals and aspirations in order to become the person I thought everybody needed me to be.

And of course, I stumbled.

I stumbled right into a big mess only to realize that I had been the one tucking the dirt under the carpet all along. It was one day after another that led to my breaking point- not just one bad decision.

So, there I was- broken and confused. I almost convinced myself to run away from it all. To leave the mess behind, close the book on this chapter, and just start somewhere new. And had it not been for my faith, I would have done it. But because I know in my heart that God is good and because I wholeheartedly believe He has a purpose for everything, I stayed.

And luckily I stayed long enough to realize that God creates open doors with broken pieces just as much as He creates open doors out of seemingly perfect situations. God works with the good, the bad, and the ugly. And that’s exactly what He did with me.

I live a life I absolutely love. God redeemed the brokenness. He did the unimaginable with the seemingly worthless.

So, I’m learning that’s what I put my faith in… Because I could have walked away. I could have told myself that it wasn’t worth fixing- that I wasn’t worth fixing. But I put my hope into something far greater than this world has to offer. I put my hope into a God whose character is without question and whose love has no bounds. His goodness is not dependent on my actions, and His love doesn’t decrease when I screw up. My faith is in a God who I cannot see, yet I know wholeheartedly His character is true.

I’ve walked through the valley and made my way to the mountaintops. I can look back and see how even the worst moments led me to where I am today. How the stress has led to freedom. How the heartbreak has led to joy. How everything that once felt like the end of the world paved a way into a whole new and beautiful world.

I used to think that things couldn’t possibly get better, but God looked at me and said, ‘just you wait and see.’