I am not an idiot. I know that what comes up must come down. I know that hot is the opposite of cold and big is the opposite of small. I also know that good’s counterpart is evil, and that where light exists there must also be darkness. So as much as I believe in a good God whose light prevails always, I must also believe in an evil enemy whose darkness can be just as strong.
On August 07, 2014 I chose good. I declared in front of my team, in front of the church members in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and most importantly in front of God, that I believe in goodness and grace and light and that as much as I could I would walk everyday closer to that goodness and grace and light.
But in the summer of 2019, it became really difficult to choose good. Every day and because of each situation, the light that I looked for grew dimmer and dimmer. The darkness in my life soon became a cloud surrounding me that I couldn’t see past. The devil seeped himself in my life and planted himself where he knew it would hurt most. Little by little, one by one, he shattered every relationship I had put my hope into. I began to resent the people I loved. The people I saw a future with. The people I looked up to in my call to ministry. The people I trusted with my whole heart. And for the longest time I thought it was all my fault. I thought that I ruined these treasures in my life. It wasn’t until the enemy tried to ruin the one relationship that I hold dearest in my life that I finally woke up and said that’s enough.
See, the enemy thought he had won. I imagine him walking around with a smirk on his face thinking, “I’ve got this girl. She’s going to run away just like I knew she would.” But I’m not, not this time. I know that if I runaway now that darkness will win and the light at the end of the tunnel that God is trying so desperately to get me to will never be reached.
I know now that the light never disappeared. God’s goodness and grace never left me. I just turned my back around and thought I could handle it all on my own. As if I could ever fight the enemy on my own and win.
So now I’m turning back around. I’m facing the light and walking towards goodness and grace no matter how many nails the enemy lays on the path as I move my feet forward, no matter how many times he tries to whisper in my ear to turn back around, no matter how many tears flood my eyes as I try to see what’s ahead. Because I believe in good, and I know that when I choose good that evil will continue to creep up behind me and cause me to doubt. Because I know that the closer I get towards God, the harder the enemy is going to try to pull me away from Him. Because I know now that God has something wildly incredible in store for my life and that the devil was moments away from snatching it away.
Today and every day I choose good.