You Will Know That It Is God

I’m going to try to write this without completely losing it in tears. But it’s already too late. I’ve got the tissue box and the waterworks are flowing.

This whole apartment hunting process has been a lot. It’s been sad. Each and every time I go to a viewing, I get back in my car and I cry. Just flat out weep. Regardless of the apartment being nice or not. Regardless of how my interaction with the property owners go. I just start sobbing.

And the more apartments I’ve gone to see, the more I’m realizing what I’m not crying over. I’m not crying over losing my current apartment. Honestly, I’m excited to move on and not be constantly reminded of a life and a home I cultivated with someone else who is no longer part of my life anymore. I’m not crying over stress or anxiety. I can do this. I’ve done this before, and I can move my life around again. I’m not crying over packing my bags, because even though I know I own way too many small kitchen appliances, dresses, and books, I know I’ll be able to box it all up and reorganize it. All of those things are going to get taken care of.

I’ve come to realize that I’m crying because of my faith.

I am crying because I believe in this thing that I cannot see. I’m crying because this thing I cannot see is the driving force in my life. I’m crying because I don’t understand where this force is pulling me or what this force is trying to do.

Each apartment I’ve visited so far has fallen short. One has a giant hill to climb up just to get to the front door. The other one is on the opposite side of the island. The next one has a front door that opens up to the middle of the bathroom. The one I actually liked was perfect, but it went to someone else. Each place has not been what I expected or fulfilled what I hoped it could.

So I keep coming to God not knowing what it is I’m doing or what it is I’m searching for but feeling like there’s still a piece missing.

And God told me that not only is He going to work it out the way He has always worked things out in the past, but that I’ll know. That I will know that it is God. Fully and completely and in absolute awe, I will know it is God.

Then today happened.

There was no logic in the series of steps that were taken. They all just occurred one after the other. All in the way that God needed them to. All in the way that one who believes in something they cannot see and is driven by this force follows.

Sometime over the weekend I reached out to a listing that suddenly popped up. The location pulled up in an area that I liked, so I figured why not give it a shot. The listing only had a single picture. It as a picture of a shelving unit. Not the bedroom. Not the bathroom. Not the kitchen or living room. Of a shelving unit. For some reason, I allowed myself to contact a person and express interested based on a shelving unit.

The property owner reached back out to me and scheduled something for later this week. Schedules were exchanged and times were nailed down, and that showing was moved up to today. I didn’t want to go to this showing. I had just about given up on everything. I wanted to go home after work. I wanted to shower off and sit on my couch. I didn’t want to go to another showing and end up discouraged. But something led to me to agreeing to this meeting.

Then Naomi got picked up late. I was at work later than I wanted to be. I got home later than I planned. I slowly rinsed off and got my things together. Still not wanting to go see this apartment, so just taking my sweet time doing what I needed to do. I didn’t have high hopes.

I got to the house, and it was gorgeous. The front of the housing was stunning. The walkway to get to the rental unit was beautiful. Everything about the place was new and nice and fancy. I walked around. Took some videos to send to my mom later. Smiled whenever the couple showing the unit looked in my direction. What a pleasant surprise!

Prior to my visit, the husband messaged me and said two other people already applied and completed an application. I didn’t know what the place looked like, but having two other people already interested made me feel like I wasn’t going to be a top priority. So as much as I liked the place, I had a feeling I was already being beaten out.

As I was about to leave, their daughter came running out. I sparked up my teacher flair and asked her what her name was and where she went to school. She told me her school, and with excitement I said “Oh, do you know miss Sabrina?” The next thing you know, her mom is gushing over how much she loves Miss Sabrina and I’m telling her that I’m Miss Sabrina’s friend. Not just her friend, I’m actually going to be in her wedding in a few months. After an impressive name drop, I felt like maybe this could be it? Maybe this could work out for me?

Before I could even close my car door, I was crying. The tears were flooding. Everything was blurry. Snot was falling out of my nose.

God said I will know that it is Him.

If this rental showing happened three months ago, I would not have said that Miss Sabrina is my friend. I would not have even bothered mentioning Miss Sabrina’s name. But it happened today, and I could confidently say that I know Miss Sabrina and I love her also.

That was God.

It was God when I requested a tour of the property late Saturday night even though I was tired and there was only a picture of a shelf. It was God that moved the showing up to today, because the property owners wanted to make a final decision by tomorrow and this way I could be included in that decision. It was God who equipped me as a teacher to talk to children. It was God who repaired a friendship that I thought was broken beyond repair. It was God who heard each and every one of my prayers of what I want in a future home and kept in mind air conditioning, a one bedroom, close to work, and something I can pay for on my own. It was all God.

And it’s going to be God when I move in a few weeks. It’s going to be God in my new home. I know without a shadow of a doubt, that it was and will always be Him.

When they called me to tell me they wanted to offer me the apartment, they said it was a God thing. They said they didn’t want to show me the apartment. They said they liked the people who came by before I did and wanted to go with them. But they just went with it. They showed me the place because it was already scheduled, and they talked with me because I was already there. Then they knew that wanted me. That was their God thing.

Luckily it worked to my benefit. Luckily their God thing and my God thing were the same thing. That’s what God will do. That’s how you know it is Him.