“Now in this hope we were saved, but hope that is seen is not hope, because who hopes for what he sees? Now if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with patience.”
Romans 8:24-25
In my head it was always simple. The plan was laid out and each step- one after the other- would fall into place just how I envisioned it to.
I think from an early age I grew accustomed to mapping everything out. When your parents fight and argue, when they get divorced, when your life is suddenly uprooted… You learn how to take control in whatever ways you can. So, I started planning.
Go away for college. Easy. Graduate in four years from Point Loma. Simple. Get a job and become an adult. I can do that.
I was a dreamer, and I still am. Because I thought all of those things were going to be a walk in the park. Little did I know at the time how many obstacles would be in my way. College tuition, who knew that would be so expensive. College tuition four years in a row, that one really punched me in the gut. Getting a job. Moving my life across the ocean. Making new friends. Creating a home. All hurdles that were never part of the master plan.
Because when I plan something, I plan it in the most perfect way I can imagine. With all the bells and whistles and sparkles included. Then God says, “No, no Meg.” And not in a “no that’s never going to happen” way. Just a “no, not like that.” And often times, it hurts. It’s a broken, empty, gut-wrenching feeling. Something I’d never wish upon anyone else.
But ultimately things do go my way. Sometimes in the ways I’d hoped, most times in the ways I’d never expect. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get the happy ending I dreamed of. It just means I went through a process I didn’t think would happen. God took me on the long journey when I thought it was going to happen at the snap of a finger.
And I guess that’s where hope and faith come into play.
I hope that things will work out. I hope that they’ll get better. I hope that I’ll reach the light at the end of this tunnel. And my faith pushes me forward. My faith knows that God is making a way even when it seems like I’m stuck. My faith tells me that it’ll all be ok.