God and I have this funny thing. Some outsider looking in would probably call it faith- a strong faith even. But I just call it friendship.
What a friend I have in Jesus.
And what God told me for 2023 was Chosen.
I didn’t want this one. I hated it from the minute I heard it. I wanted to return it, give it back to God and get something else in exchange.
But the more I tried to run away from it, the clearer it became that Chosen was my word. And it’s never just a word that summarizes my year. It’s a word to describe the mighty work God will do in my life.
So here’s the thing about my friendship with God… These words never make sense. Not at first. No matter how hard I try to decipher or figure it out ahead of time- they’ll never make sense. I already didn’t want Chosen. So the more I tried to make sense of it, the more I disliked it.
I didn’t want Chosen to mean the obvious. I didn’t want to hope that it would be the year someone chooses me. That was so cliché. That would have- and still does- make my eyes roll. I wanted it- like yes deep down in my heart for the past ten years of my life I’ve wanted someone to choose me so that I can have a shiny ring and a white dress and a big party… But I didn’t want Chosen.
That’s when I talked myself into having an open mind. Maybe Chosen meant choosing myself. Yay for self-love and independence. She’s a single, independent woman who don’t need no man. Or maybe Chosen would mean God chooses me and He’ll pick me for that thing He really wants me to accomplish. I don’t know. I didn’t know at the time.
And as the year progressed I really did not understand what God was trying to do. Chosen lingered over my head, and I was not any closer to making sense of it in July than I was in January.
At one point halfway through the year, I even tried to write about it. Write about what I thought Chosen meant. What I thought Chosen looked like. How I thought God was laying out Chosen in my life. And I posted it, and it has since then been deleted. And I’m a little embarrassed to read it now because it was so far off from the reality of what Chosen was.
I still didn’t know. I thought I knew. I thought I had God figured out. And to be honest, what I thought made me sad. It made me upset and angry. It made me feel the opposite of Chosen. Thankfully I was so wrong. Thankfully what I thought Chosen meant was nothing near what God intended for it to mean.
The reality of Chosen in 2023- the reality of what God was leading me to- was a life where every detail, every facet, every person and moment and deeply cherished second was something I chose to be part of my life. Everything, all of it. I have made each and every choice in a way that has led me to the most beautiful life possible. This is the life I have Chosen.
Because I look around and I am overwhelmed with adoration for my life.
I love it so very much.
I love the people who are in it. Kea and Anu and Aunty Robin. Ashton, Sabrina, Kayana. Aunty Kristine, Uncle Mike, Jacob, Josh, Matt, Arden, Tait. Robin, Cheryl, Vivian, Adrian. Joanna, Mel, Asia, Emily. Elaina, Crystal, Keone. Sierra, Bree, Jewel. Lynnie. I have so many people who I love, and so many people who love me in return.
I love the things I get to do. Disneyland and Disney World. Reading too many books. Running so many miles. Teaching Bar Method classes and taking Bar Method classes. Sitting on the beach. Hugging the little humans. Getting on airplanes. Coming home. I live like there are 30 hours in a day because it is nearly impossible for me to fit all my hobbies in one day.
I love the life that I have created for myself. The bravery it took to walk through some of the deepest valleys. The courage it took to put myself out there and make new friends. The dedication to try something completely foreign and become a fitness instructor. The care it took to say yes to myself and the things that are important to me.
Most of all, for the faith. The friendship I entrusted with God as I let him lead me along the way. Because before I chose anything else, I chose Him first.
That was Chosen in 2023.
And now it’s Certainty in 2024.