Reason for seeking services?
Hmm. Life’s daily obstacles. People who irritate me. Multiple jobs that stress me out. Being eternally single. Just emotions in general. I could probably list out a few hundred more reasons, but none of them seem that dire.
The truth is, life isn’t all that bad. It’s not the absolute best it’s going to get. I still have credit card bills that I’ll always be buried under and I’m still the only one at home to do the dishes, take out the trash, and fold the laundry, but all in all, it’s not that bad.
I remember the very first session I had with Meighan. It was the summer of 2020.
The world was confronted with a pandemic, and no one could tell us where the light at the end of the tunnel was. We were in uncharted territory. Toilet paper was as valuable as buying gold. Face masks were just as much part of your everyday outfit as socks. And social distancing was what we did to stay safe.
It was also the thing that pushed me over the edge.
I had lost my job- couldn’t see the kids and couldn’t go to work. I had lost my friends- they didn’t want to be part of my life anymore. And my family was an ocean away. All of this at once left me feeling so utterly hopeless.
So I sought out therapy. I desperately needed someone to talk to. Most importantly, I needed someone to talk to who wouldn’t share with anyone else how much I was struggling or what I was struggling with.
Then came Meighan.
When she asked me my reason for seeking services, I said I was lonely. Like much of the world at that time, I felt isolated and alone.
For a few months we talked about my life in the midst of a pandemic. We talked about losing friendships and how to move on. She was a topic of conversation for such a long time, but had she not been I don’t think I would have known what to do on my own. I was able to be at peace with losing my best friend because therapy helped me through it.
The next couple years were centered around a relationship that broke me. Not just once. Not twice. Not three times. Maybe four of five. Realistically probably six, seven, or eight. Whenever I asked for a last-minute session, Meighan immediately knew why. That’s how often he hurt me. That’s how bad it was. His final blow took me years to grow out of. I cried in each and every session until one day I didn’t feel like I needed to cry anymore because therapy helped me through it.
Then last year was a confusing one. How could someone who shares the same blood as you not want to be part of your life anymore? What do you do when the one person you never thought would leave you decides she doesn’t want to talk to you? I did not know how to grapple with that one. But I learned more about who I am and what I can do, because therapy helped me through it.
Meighan would argue with me if I said it was all because of her. She wouldn’t dare take all that credit. And while a huge part of it is in thanks to her, the other huge part of it is thanks to me.
Because therapy helped me learn about myself.
It helped me identify where in my body the emotion is being held and what that emotion is trying to say. By giving myself the space to feel it- like really and truly feel it not just feel it to get over it- I was able to hold onto what needed to be saved and let go of what wasn’t mine anymore.
It also taught me that there are many versions of myself all coexisting together and while the dream is for them to all live in peaceful harmony, the reality is sometimes they butt heads. So when this happens, you have to figure out which Meg got her feelings hurt and how to help her. That’s probably my favorite thing I’ve picked up in therapy.
When I think about the person who started therapy in 2020 and I think about the person now, I know that the person now is better equipped. The person in 2020 suffered from a deep pit of loneliness. She felt completely alone. And since then, she’s gone through all the hills and valleys to not feel so alone anymore. To build community, to develop hobbies, and to genuinely love her life. She feels incredible now. But if you were to take the person I am now, strip me entirely of all the things I know and love, plop me down in the middle of nowhere, and tell me to start over- even then I still wouldn’t be lonely. Because it’s not the circumstances I’m in now that make me feel incredible. Maybe a little bit of it is. But it’s who I’ve become and who I know I am that will get me through it. I have the tools and I know what to do. So that if I ever become isolated again, I know how to take care of myself because therapy helped me through it.
Reason for seeking services?
Because I want to keep learning how to get through it.