My boss has told us this over and over and over again. At least once every staff meeting she brings it up and it’s her go to phrase. I think to some extent it’s meant to console us, but sometimes it just leaves me feeling more anxious and afraid. Still, I know she means the best when she tells us.
It’s not if, it’s when.
Because ladies and gentlemen, COVID is not going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, it’s just getting worse and worse. And when you run a preschool and are constantly around little humans putting their hands in their mouth and then touching you and touching everything around you, it’s not if we get a positive COVID case, it’s when we get a positive COVID case.
We are foolish if we believe that our preschool bubble will not be touched by COVID. Eventually, someone we know- someone in our bubble- will be affected. And our hearts wait on edge for that day to come. I know my anxious paranoia leads me to washing my hands at a minimum of 20 times a day. But the reality is that one day it will hit us. We can’t avoid it.
So, when it comes, will we be prepared? Will we know what steps to take? Will we know what procedures need to be in place? Will we be ready to tackle the next scary steps?
That’s what my boss said in our last-minute Zoom call meeting in regards to COVID, but in that split second that’s also what God said to me about my promise.
It’s not if God will grant me the desires of my heart, it’s when.
When it’s time, will I be prepared? Will I know what steps to take? Will I know what disciplines need to be in place? Will I be ready to take on what God is calling me to?
I know that God hears me. I know that He’s paying attention to the things that matter most to me. So it leads me to believe that He has a promise in store for me. A promise that not only meets and exceeds the desires of my heart, but a promise that only He can put together. That no matter how much manipulating and scheming and weaseling I do, I can’t make it happen. At least not in the same, amazing way that God can.
So in my waiting- the thing I hate doing the most- I can remind myself that it’s not if, it’s when. That my waiting won’t go to waste. It’s not a useless season. Rather it’s a time for me to get prepared before God completely changes my world. Because when it happens- when the promise is no longer a dream but real life- I want to be ready.
I want to be firmly planted in God’s truth. I don’t want to waver back and forth between the desires that this world has accustomed me to achieving and the desires that God has for me in order for me to fulfill my purpose. I know I will because I always do, but I want to be more prepared so I’m not mistepping so frequently. If I practice now and if I position myself adequately enough now, then maybe later I’ll be better equipped to navigate the fallout. That when the inevitable mistakes are made, I’ll know how to quickly turn to God instead of crying out in frustration and confusion. That’s what I want for right now. I want to be ready.
So I guess I just need to keep taking the right steps. Keep walking closer towards God. Keep going in His direction instead of my own. Because it’s not if He’s going to answer my prayers, it’s when He does. And when that time comes, will I be ready?