In Protected

102

There’s no definite way to prove it. I mean I’m pretty sure I’m right.

And if I’m not right, well that’s creepy. That makes me more concerned than anything. Even more reason to have a password and to protect these thoughts.

But if I am right, then that means it’s you. It’s you every day. It’s you multiple times a day. It’s you first thing in the morning, in the middle of the day, and right before you go to bed. It’s you scrolling through old posts and new posts and archives and categories. No one scrolls. Lynn only jumps to what is recently written because she gets an email notification, and Cassie probably doesn’t even know the website name. But it’s you, so you know and you read.

So if it’s you, why do you care?

You said it yourself, you didn’t want to be my crutch. You didn’t want to be the one thing in my life holding me up. You frankly didn’t even want to be in my life anymore. At least that’s how I interpreted it.

Because all of a sudden you hit the brakes and reversed on out. You said I was asking too much and expecting too much. You didn’t like how I asked where you were and what you were doing. You especially didn’t like it when I made you feel guilty about forgetting me or ignoring me. But that’s exactly what you were doing! You were suddenly forgetting to tell me things and ignoring when I’d try to ask you questions. But maybe you weren’t forgetting. Maybe you were intentionally forgetting me. Intentionally pushing me to the side because I didn’t matter to you anymore.

So if my thought process is true and I’m heading in the right direction, why do you need to know what I’m doing and what I’m up to and what I’m feeling in the depths of my soul when you were the one to push me away to begin with?

You threw me away as if I meant nothing to you, yet you are the one combing through the secret parts of my writing as if it means everything to you.

Why are you here?

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