I get it.
I understand why Eve did what she did.
“And the Lord God commanded the man, ‘You are free to eat from any tree of the garden, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for on the day you eat from it, you will certainly die.” Genesis 2:16-17
A command from God.
“Now the serpent was the most cunning of all the wild animals that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, ‘Did God really say…’” Genesis 3:1
Doubt.
Eve tried to hold her ground. She repeated what God had told her. What she knew in her head and she must have known in her heart.
“’No! You will certainly not die… In fact, God knows that when you eat it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God…” Genesis 3:4
You will be like God.
This is when the serpent hits right where it hurts. The desire to know what happens next.
So I understand why Eve did what she did because all I’ve ever wanted is to know what God knows.
I believe through and through that God has pre-planned every single day of my life since the day I was born. From the first minute that I entered the world, He knew what would happen at age 13, He knew what would happen in college, He knew what would happen in 2020. God knew it all long before it even began. Long before it was even a thought in my mind. There was already a blueprint and God had full access to it. So why can’t I know what happens tomorrow?
It’s the frustration of asking a millionaire for just one dollar. When they have so much. They have an excess! Why can’t I just have a small piece of that. Just a little bit. Just a little taste.
That’s why when the serpent tells Eve that she will be like God- knowing good and evil- she falters because she just wants a glimpse.
And this is the never-ending battle I face with God.
Because it isn’t my job to know. It’s my job to have faith.
You would think after all these years of God showing up. Of God answering prayers. Of God doing immeasurably more than I can ask for or imagine. That trusting God would be second nature. That I would have full confidence in my faith and know that I don’t have to have doubts or worries or fears of the unknown. But I still do.
I see God, hand outstretched, walking on the water. I’ve seen Him walk on water so many times in my life. And all I have to do is keep my eyes on Him. All I have to do is take His hand. Easy enough? But the moment I step out of the boat, my chin drops, my gaze lowers, and I see the storm that’s surrounding me. I see the ways that it won’t work out. I see the world and its many flaws. Then I start to sink.
When all I had to do was hold His hand and look into His eyes.
I complicate my life because I need to know and I complicate my faith because I need to know.
I get it Eve, I don’t blame you.
All these years later, and I’m still making the same mistake you did.