My Faith Year

It always seems like there’s only two ways a situation can go- good or bad. Either the odds can be in your favor for really good, or maybe you’ve been dealt a bad hand and it’s really bad.

This year started off pretty good for me. I was starting a new job, and I had bought a new car. There were new responsibilities in my life and also a newfound freedom. Then things got pretty bad- more so confusing than bad. I didn’t lose my new job or crash my new car, but I lost a sense of who I was. Things went from pretty good to really bad right in front of my eyes, and I was the one to blame.

But maybe there’s more to it than just good and bad. Maybe bad can actually be pretty good, and good needs to endure a little bit more bad to be great.

In the midst of all the madness, God orchestrated the most beautiful turning point in my faith. He made it so bad that the only way out was to cry out to Him. To have good again, I needed to let God in.

For much of my faith journey I had to learn how to let go of the reins. At first it wasn’t easy. I was so stubborn (still am), and I would rather clench my fists and fight my way through than ask for help. So God kept having to tell me no. ‘No Meg, no Meg. This is not my way.’ And still I kept fighting! ‘But God, I have a plan! It’s going to be alright! I can do this without you.’ It took years for me to loosen the grip and give God the control He rightfully deserves. Now I’m at a point in my faith where I don’t even go near the drivers seat. I know it’s God’s, and I am not trying to take it away from Him.

So I graduated from fighting for control, and I’ve moved up a level to inviting God into every crevice and facet of my life. My faith is not in the stage of trying to understand who is in control in my life anymore. I’ve learned it, I’ve experienced it, and God knows I’ve cried my way through it. Right now, God is teaching me how to fully rely on Him.

With tears running down my eyes and defeat overwhelming my soul, I had to let God turn my very worst into amazingly great.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

I reminded myself over and over again that God is good. He is always good, and He wants good for me. It’s when I try to take control or try to block God out that let’s the bad in. I let myself believe that I was ok with God because I was giving Him control, but giving Him control did not equate to giving Him my life. It was sort of like God was waiting for me to prove it. He knew that I wasn’t trying to take control of my life, but He wanted me to show Him what that meant to me. I had the knowledge, but I wasn’t putting it into action.

“In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action is dead.” James 2:17

How do you show God just how much you love Him? For me, it took a lot of praying. It took countless Bible plans. It took giving God my ten percent even when I felt like I didn’t have a penny to spare. It took fasting and prioritizing God over things that shouldn’t have as much control in my life as they do. It took risks and trust. It took stepping out in faith when I was the most vulnerable. And it all paid off.

Because when I let God be present in my life, He showed me that my confusion and chaos was only a stepping stool to clarity and comfort. There was always more to the picture, but I couldn’t see it because I was looking with my own two eyes. Yet when I started imagining through the eyes of God’s goodness, I took a peak at how great it could be.

2013 still holds the crown for my best year. Sorry, but studying in Europe for 4 months trumps most other experiences. But if you ask God, 2017 was my faith year. It’s the year where my faith went up a few notches all because things went a little sour. I had reached a breaking point where it wasn’t about giving God control, instead it was about resting in His peace and presence. God became the center of my life. Out of the seemingly very worst and most broken pieces of my life, He made everything so much greater.

“These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.” Hebrews 11: 39-40

I wrapped up 2017 knowing that God had brought me out of the depths and onto the mountaintops. And that’s not the end. It’s only going to get better and better. Now that I know how sweet it feels to let God in I’m never going to want to shut Him out again.